Ripped By mstoll
Come here!
For fuck's sake, stop!
Would you like a bacon sandwich?
They're free, but if you don't mind, I'm happy to take yours.
Maybe we should brainstorm before answering that.
Have you seen this? You're a celeb.
RIO-ROAR PARDONED
- Rio-Roar? Hilarious! - Yeah, isn't that kind of cool?
INVOLVED IN GANG RIOT - PUT IN JAIL
"Photo: Torgeir Lien"?
What kind of image do you think that photo will give me?
They said a new photo was important, so I sent the latest one from my phone.
Fucking idiot.
They're not answering?
I guess it's the train, then.
I had better do the talking.
I guess it could have been worse.
Some paint, a couple of new girders and we're back in business.
Drop it!
Hi there. Please, sit down.
Right, so the date of the court case has been confirmed, May 12th.
I see. It'll be good to know the sentence.
You have confessed to the crime, but there is one thing that is unclear.
You claim that you don't know what you did with the body.
Yes.
You've got to keep in mind...
...that taking a life was so traumatic.
- I've developed amnesia. - Okay.
All black. I can't remember a thing.
It's not uncommon in criminal circles to "forget"
rather than give up those involved.
I am just a completely ordinary killer...
...who committed a crime of passion and is mentally unstable.
But it couldn't hurt to perhaps try hypnosis.
- What do you say, Jan? - Hypnosis?
No. No, I'm afraid I'll have to say no to that for religious reasons.
Hypnosis for me is haram, you know.
That's too bad.
Remembering a little bit more might actually improve prison conditions.
Right.
Well, then it's extra frustrating that I don't remember anything.
LILLEHAMMER POLICE STATION
You certainly prioritize Christmas tree accidents.
- Let's see. - Look at that!
A video clip has turned up
and I wonder...
...if you can help me understand.
It's a man having trouble with his depth perception.
That man is you, right?
It appears so, yes.
- Yes? - Yes.
This shows 11 minutes before reporting your truck had gone through the ice,
you drove around in a dry suit.
I find that odd.
Oh, yeah?
It's fucking comfortable to wear, let me tell you.
- You might as well tell the truth. - I am being 100% honest.
You understand that the insurance company has decided to raise the wreckage?
They... they'll never do that.
They want to set an example, Dag.
Show that insurance fraud isn't a lucrative business.
Sure. That's no problem.
Someone here to see you, Johnny.
I don't think these are people you should keep waiting.
Yes, I know. There's Dad.
Where's the party going to be held?
Do you want to hold this? No?
Come on, kids. We'll go to the cafe at the mall.
Dad!
Yes, your dad did forget your birthday.
Yes.
Hey. What's going on here?
You don't let a lady do the carrying.
Just leave it there and I'll take it.
Here at the Flamingo we're concerned with safety and the work environment.
Watch your back!
Hey, hey.
- Let me take it. - Okay.
Well, let's get to work then.
- Are you okay? - Yeah, sure. I'm all right.
She's not for you, buddy.
She has dyke written all over her.
How do you know?
Once bitten, twice shy.
Hi. I need an ambulance immediately.
There's a possible drowning fatality.
- Will he be all right? - It's impossible to say.
He was underwater for over 15 minutes.
Any indication of what he was doing down there?
He was holding on to that bag over there.
And then I arrived at my house all covered in blood.
Thanks, Magne.
That's all we have time for today. Let's give Magne a hand for sharing.
I hope the hormone treatment will make things easier for you.
- Jan? - Yes?
Have you thought any more about trying memory techniques?
Hypnosis isn't the only way, you know.
- No, it's no use. - Oh?
Let suppressed dogs lie, so to speak.
Accepting help won't make you any less of a man, you know.
Jan! Stop! Stop! Stop, Jan! Stop!
- Sorry. - What the...?
I'm so sorry.
I totally misread your signals.
- Yes, you did, Jan. - Yes, totally.
In my culture, we have a different view of women.
Once again, I'm so sorry.
I've read your file, Jan.
You were in Iraq for four months.
You are as Norwegian as brown cheese.
Holy shit. I'm so sorry.
- Give me a sign. - You have a visitor.
Johnny?
You're looking great.
- It started out as a joke. - What?
It started out as a joke, but then--
- Hi there. - Oh, hi there!
Hey, Marthe, a round of beers for the construction team.
It's free.
- I hear you're looking for a bouncer. - What?
- You're looking for a bouncer? - Do you know someone?
Sort of. I know myself.
Sorry. No can do.
Female doormen are against our policy.
Why?
People can get beaten up.
And you won't get far just being able to carry.
You need that physical winner's instinct.
- Okay. - Yeah.
Are you willing to put your winner's instinct to the test?
Job interview.
Ready, set, go!
Come on, Torgeir! Take her down!
Come on! What the hell are you doing?
Ouch! Fucking hell!
Congratulations!
As head of safety in the work environment, I cannot allow this.
Where the fuck did you put all the pens?
You piss me off, Vycka.
- Everything okay? - He's kicking.
The hell he does, that boy.
Fucking Christ! What the hell is going on?
You were supposed to watch out! Just fucking drive!
I'm so glad you came.
I hope it won't cause problems with your faith.
Oh, no.
I just got haram and halal mixed up.
Ah, yes, I understand.
Okay, let's begin.
Just close your eyes and relax completely.
With each word and each number...
...you'll become more open
and susceptible.
When I say,
five, four, three, two...
And when I say "one," you'll be at the refugee center.
The last time you saw Randi.
And...
One.
Describe what you see.
Randi ...
I see Randi.
She's busy emptying the freezer.
Wait. There's someone else here. A man enters.
What kind of man?
An overweight man.
He looks like Dag Solstad.
Dag Solstad?
Not the author, but someone I know.
What is he doing to Randi? Don't...
What is he doing to Randi, Jan?
He hits her!
Please, stop it!
Quit it, Dag!
No.
You are leaving the refugee center, Jan.
You will wake up in three, two, one.
Are you okay? Are you back?
Yes.
Sorry.
I guess I'm not the kind of guy who is susceptible to hypnosis.
Wow. Did I cry'?
You stay here and relax.
- That was kind of hard for you. - That was a bit strange.
- I just need to make a call. - Really strange.
Hi. This is Rannveig from Halden Prison.
That case we talked about
has taken a dramatic turn.
Yes.
Thank you, Allah. Thank you, Allah.
Johnny's not going to be happy about this.
Relax. It wasn't our fault.
I didn't have a good view from that angle, okay?
All right, you wait here.
Don't worry. Mommy will be right back.
HERE LIVES MARIT GJERMUNDSEN
I'm looking for a freelancer from the local paper.
Rio-Roar?
Did you write this?
Yeah. Why'?
Come here.
Stop.
Here's what will happen.
Write a retraction where you take back what you wrote in the crossword.
The ethics of journalism apply to crossword puzzles, too.
What are you talking about?
- "This week's fattest local." - What?
It says, "This week's fattest local." Is that me?
Let me see.
"This week's fittest local." You've filled in a word incorrectly.
The fittest?
Oh, right. Well, then I'm sorry.
It's just that I'm so fucking jet-lagged.
If you have some superglue, I can probably fix your glasses.
And of course I'll reimburse you for the pizza. I'm really sorry.
How about we fire up a peace pipe?
Is it true that Brazilian women have genetically perfect asses?
Oh, you bet.
I did get to see some things, if you know what I mean.
Sorry if I'm asking too many questions.
It's good for me to talk about it.
I don't have many people who I can talk about feelings and shit with.
What the hell is that?
My mom has called the cops again.
What? You're kidding, right?
The vent goes right up to her kitchen ventilator.
Fuck! ls there a back door?
This is the police.
Did you tell the Pakistanis that we were going out of town?
Of course not.
Maybe you should grow some balls, son.
I could say the same to your fat brother.
Move your...
Does anyone know this dude?
Help me with this guy, Torgeir.
Oh, dear God!
You have to open up! Roy!
I thought you told your cousin to stay away.
Roy, let me in.
We're in the middle of some sensitive stuff here.
But can't you hear that? Betsy is about to lamb.
- What? - Betsy is about to lamb.
Thank you, sir.
Thank you.
Stop. You're worse than a Norwegian metrosexual.
I thought they were going to shoot us.
Will I ever stop being ashamed of you?
- What's that thing? - A signal pistol.
Unbelievably practical if your car stalls...
The Lord gives and the Lord takes away!
You're done talking now, Mom.
They're really going at it out there.
It's some bio-waste that I said they could get rid of.
They're about to start the glazing.
I'm coming!
Ah, look at her!
LILLEHAMMER POLICE STATION
It's an outrage how much injustice can befall one man.
Zip it! All we do is bail you out of jail all the time.
Let's hit the road. We need to take care of something for Johnny.
Oh, shit!
Keep the engine running.
- Hi. - Hi there.
PROP STOCK
Fucking drive!
Hey, stop!
Go!
Oh, I'm sorry. I just wanted to give you my tax deduction card.
Okay.
Done.
Is something wrong?
I just had a pretty stressful day at work yesterday.
- What? - That's all.
What happened?
I can't go into detail for confidentiality reasons,
but it was pretty upsetting.
I see.
Shit. ls that from the arm wrestling?
Mind if I take a look?
What's wrong?
It's just that I'm not used to being cared for.
Me neither.
Yeah?
Are you okay? It's kind of fun riding this wagon with the clown.
Come on, kids.
Wow. Look at all these candles.
And look at all the balloons!
...Fantorangen!
Wow! Look at all these nice kids.
Does anyone know what rhymes with cheese?
No, no. It's brilliant. It's absolutely fantastic.
- Hi, Fantorangen! - I'm the one talking. Zip it!
Stop pulling my arm!
Hello, brother.
I think I've found a connection to the Lillehammer crew
those Lithuanians had a beef with.
Okay, okay.
Remember that fake Muslim?
Thank you so much. Thank you.
Ripped By mstoll